


Slow and Steady

by ChampagneSly



Category: Free!
Genre: Future Fic, M/M, Pining
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2014-10-02
Updated: 2014-12-01
Packaged: 2018-02-19 15:14:36
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 7
Words: 8,744
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/2393093
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/ChampagneSly/pseuds/ChampagneSly
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Based on Rockets' post-series Surfer!AU.</p><p>Sousuke pines and wonders why Rin is so bad at surfing.</p>
            </blockquote>





	1. Chapter 1

**Author's Note:**

> Title and lyric borrowed from "Slow and Steady," by Of Monsters and Men.

_"I move slow and steady, but I feel like a waterfall."_

Sousuke carved the shoulder of the wave, turned his eyes towards a sunset-sky the color of Rin’s hair and swallowed his laughter as he watched Rin pitch over for the tenth time in an hour. It was easy enough to drown his amusement in the pleasure of riding out the swell, easy enough to slip off his board and into the warmth of the ocean and wait for Rin to emerge from his sea-soaked defeat. Sousuke kept his eyes on a long blue horizon that bled into evening red and wondered how someone who was good at swimming could be so very bad at surfing.

Rin came up spluttering and frustrated, clinging to his board with his mouth pinched in a determined frown.

Sousuke wanted to kiss the corner of his lips, wanted to taste the salt of Rin’s frustration, curl his tongue around it and give back something sweeter.

He chose, instead, to paddle out to Rin’s side and ask:

“How can you be so bad at this?”

Rin turned his angry face away from Sousuke’s smile and muttered,  “Jerk, this is only my second time out.”

Sousuke had always liked it when Rin’s cheeks flushed such a pretty color; even if he’d never had the chance to make Rin blush the way he really wanted, he couldn’t help but love the shamelessness of Rin’s face, the way his cheeks burned so hot and his eyes filled so readily with tears.

He’d often wondered if Rin would ever want to read the secrets in the soft looks and even softer smiles that Sousuke risked when his heart was too full of Rin for stoicism.

“I managed to pop-up my first time on the water,” Sousuke said, stroking the waxed surface of his board.

“Asshole,” Rin grumbled, laughter catching in his throat. “Just because this is your new dream doesn’t mean I’m going to be a natural at hanging ten and getting stoked.”

It was especially hard in moments like this—when Rin tried and failed so hard to sound cool, when he was within arm’s reach once again after two years of thousands of miles between them—not to drag Rin beneath the ocean’s surface and kiss him until they couldn’t breathe.

Sousuke bailed from that dangerous line of thought, the board quivering beneath his chest as the waves rocked against him.  

“Seriously, Rin. All that grace and power in the pool, and you can’t even manage to pop-up for more than thirty seconds. Such a shame.”

Rin flicked water into Sousuke’s eyes and grinned. “If Haru were here, he’d probably say something about the water hating me.”

The water stung almost as much as Rin’s wistfulness, but Sousuke didn’t blink. “Nanase isn’t here.” Rin’s smile faltered. Sousuke sighed. “And the water loves you. You just have to let yourself trust in the board. Trust that it can carry your weight as you ride the break that’s going to bring you back to shore.”

“Trusting the board, huh?” Rin arched forward, fingers curling around the rails.

“That’s right,” Sousuke said, remembering what a patient surf-coach had said to him so many months ago when he was trying to forget his bitterness and anger in the swell, still clutching a shoulder that ached and wondering how he was supposed to find his way back to Rin.

“That’s a pretty romantic notion, coming from you,” Rin said, the corners of his eyes crinkling with amusement.

Sousuke drowned the desperate need to thread his fingers through Rin’s tangled hair, press his lips to ears that refused to listen to all the things he still couldn’t say and whisper:

_“I spent the better part of two years re-learning how to surf well enough to compete so I could have an good enough excuse to move to Australia and be near you.We paddle out for lessons at sunset because I like the way you look when your body is lit up red and orange and gold. Everything I feel for you is a romantic notion, you idiot.”_

Sousuke looked away, shielded himself from Rin’s bright gaze. Sousuke watched the sun dip ever lower, knowing that their time on the water was almost up, and that he still hadn’t found a way to tell Rin that surfing wasn’t his new dream, that his new dream was just a variation on the dream he’d always had….to be Rin’s.

If only because it bought him more time to find the words he needed to say, Sousuke was incredibly grateful that Rin sucked so much at surfing.

Sousuke took a breath and dove back into the fray. “And I don’t want to hear that kind of shit coming from  _you_ of all people.”

“Alright, alright, fine.” Rin’s hand closed around his shoulder, wet and warm and familiar. “Enough talking. You ready to show me how to trust the board?”

Sousuke turned, giving up the horizon for the openness of Rin’s easy smile. He tilted his head towards the chop, forever ready to ride as many waves as it took until he could break on Rin’s shore.

“No, I’m ready to show how you to love it.”


	2. Chapter 2

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Questions, answers, past and present. More pining. And Rin crying.

Rin emerged from Sousuke’s cramped little bathroom, barefoot and shirtless, hair still as wet as it had been when Sousuke had finally dragged him out of the ocean, promising that there would be other opportunities for Rin to continue to amaze Sousuke with his utter lack of surfing skill.

Sousuke poured two cups of tea and did not dwell on the wetsuit that was slung over his shower rod next to his own like it belonged there. He carried the tea to the table and wondered how the cut of Rin’s hips could look so different, so much more dangerous, in a pair of pajama pants.

Rin came to him, footsteps still sticky-wet on his kitchen floor. Sousuke held out the tea and lost himself in the pursing of Rin’s lips as he blew it cool enough to sip until Rin smiled faintly and said:

“You really did move here.”

Sousuke leaned against the counter, crossed his arms over his chest and exhaled slowly. “What the hell did you think I meant when I said I was coming to live in Australia?”

“I don’t know what I thought.” Rin said, wry laughter girding his words. “I guess I didn’t realize how serious you were about it until I saw all your stuff.”

“I’m glad it took my toothbrush and dirty socks to convince you,” Sousuke said, digging his fingers into his arm, the familiar thrill of irritation washing over him--as if he hadn’t told Rin weeks ago that he’d finally found the money to make the move to Sydney after winning his first ASP Star event.

As if he hadn’t called Rin still hot with the thrill of victory and said, _“It’s finally happening. I’m finally on my way.”_ That Rin still didn’t seem to understand how serious he had been--how serious he always would be when it came to Rin-- made Sousuke wonder if he should have asked, _“Are you still waiting for me?_

Rin’s expression softened, “Come on, Sousuke. I didn’t mean it like that. You know I’m happy you’re here.”

Rin’s lure hooked beneath his ribs, dragging a murmured, “Are you?” from Sousuke’s throat.

“What kind of question is that?” Rin looked into the bottom of his tea-cup. “Of course I am.”

Sousuke stared at a crown of still damp hair and wished he could see the slow churning of Rin’s thoughts.  He dropped his arms and sighed.

“But?”

“But nothing,” Rin said, stepping near enough for Sousuke to smell the soap from his shower. “It’s only that all of this is still a little surprising. One day you’re in California and the next you’re here trying to teach me how to surf. It’s like just like when you showed up at Samezuka.” Rin placed his cup in the sink and peered at Sousuke through his lashes. “Or when you didn’t tell me about your shoulder.”

Sousuke didn’t know what to say, caught between guilt and desire, loving the color of Rin’s eyes even as he remembered how Rin had cried.

Rin shook his head and murmured, “And here you are, Mr. Surfer, catching me off guard all over again.”

“I’m sorry.” Sousuke risked a hand on the curve of Rin’s arms, pressed his fingertips into warm, bare skin.

Rin shook his head again. “Don’t be sorry, idiot. I just never knew.”

Sousuke shrugged and dropped his hand, letting all the things Rin didn’t know fill the space between them.

Rin closed his eyes, took a breath and asked, “So, tell me now. How the hell did you end up a professional surfer?”

“What is it they always say? When one door closes, another one opens?” Sousuke looked out his smudged kitchen window at a skyline that was still unfamiliar, feeling the ache of an old bitterness as he explained, “After the surgery on my shoulder was a failure, I was looking for something to do. Something to be good at again. And I had always liked surfing.”

Sousuke turned away from the window, smiled faintly as he took in Rin’s obvious distress.

“There’s no need to make that face.”

Rin’s mouth curled downward on the question Sousuke had known was coming for weeks, months, maybe even years.

“So you've given up on swimming?”

Sousuke wanted to reach for him then, wanted to cup his cheek and smooth out the frown of Rin’s unhappiness with his thumb until there was room enough for his kiss.

“I tried everything I could. I did my best,” Sousuke said softly, forever rendered gentle when Rin looked at him like that, like there was nothing Sousuke couldn't do. “After all, I knew you were waiting for me.”

Sousuke stilled as Rin’s hand came to rest on the shoulder that had betrayed them both. Rin looked at him with that same shattered expression, and five fingers dug into his flesh and bone.

“But it wouldn’t heal?”

Sousuke thought about all the emails he didn’t write after each failed physical therapy appointment, thought about all the half-truths he’d told because he didn’t want Rin to have to swallow his bitter news without something good to chase the disappointment away.

Sousuke covered Rin’s hand with his own. “Not enough for me to swim competitively.” He squeezed Rin’s knuckles. “But enough for me to surf.”

Rin stared at him, hot with the determination Sousuke loved too dearly.

“And is that enough for you?”

Sousuke smiled, his reply soaked in affection. “It pays the bills.” Sousuke squeezed Rin’s hand again, stopping the stubborn parting of Rin’s lips. “I spend my days on beaches, in the sunshine. I get to compete again.” Rin’s expression wavered. Sousuke took a breath, glanced at the clasped hands on a bum shoulder and said, “It was enough to get me back to you.”

Rin’s eyes filled with tell-tale tears and Sousuke thought it was impossible to love him more.

He was wrong.

Because in the moment before Rin took his flushed, embarrassed face away, he looked at Sousuke with those crying eyes and said:

“Well, then, I guess all I can say is...welcome home.”

The warmth on his shoulder lingered as Sousuke watched Rin beat a hasty retreat to the bathroom, mumbling some nonsense about needing a shirt. Sousuke looked around his empty kitchen, rubbed his hand over the spot that Rin had touched and smiled.

"I'm back." 

 


	3. Chapter 3

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> A morning at the beach.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> This is turning into a semi-long, slow-build affair. I swear there will be plot movement (and discussion of Haruka...sort of) next chapter. 
> 
> I'm so happy people are reading this. I'm falling for this ship like a ton of bricks. Your comments are so so so appreciated!

It was a beautiful morning, the sort that surfers everywhere dreamed would greet them  when they woke, and Sousuke was no different. It was a powerful feeling, waiting for that perfect swell and then rising up on his chest, salted air thick in his lungs, ready to face the wave. It was a rush that belonged to him and him alone as he cut through the wall of water, racing the cascade that wanted to tumble him to the sea floor. Early in the morning, on the ocean, there was no starting-gun, no cheering crowds. There was nothing but the sound of his own heart beating in time with the murmur of water and the whisper of wind, nothing but the board beneath his feet and the churn of his thoughts to keep him company as he was chased down by the quicksilver beauty of a breaking wave.

Once upon a time, before his shoulder, Sousuke had learned what it could be to more than just himself, to be part of a team. And although Rin’s voice calling his name, demanding that he swim still echoed in his heart, Sousuke liked the surfer’s solitude. He’d given himself to Samezuka because he’d desperately needed what Rin had always wanted to share, but now he gave himself to the swell of the sea and sought solace in the surf.

Australia was new and strange. Rin was familiar and near, but still untouchable, his gaze fixed upon a dream that Sousuke couldn’t reach. He had come so far and still knew so little for certain, wary of the possibility that Rin would never see him as more than a childhood best friend who could no longer play with him in the pool. Sousuke cut a line down a flawless wall of water, rode the curve as he licked seaspray from his lips and asked the ocean what he should do.

~~

And then, unexpectedly, the beach decided to interrupt his melancholy morning reflections on the secrets of Rin’s heart by offering up a smiling and sweaty Rin on a sandy platter. The shock of red-hair in his peripheral vision as he caught one last wave was almost enough to knock him off his board, but by the time his toes touched the shore, he’d managed to smooth out his happy surprise into a calm hello.

Rin grinned, opened his mouth and wasted all of Sousuke’s hard work at pretending he wasn’t affected by Rin sitting prettily on his seashore.

“You were amazing out there!”

“Thanks,” Sousuke said, shoving his board roughly into the sand to distract Rin from the way his cheeks were turning pink with pleasure.

Rin’s smile sharpened. “Seriously, I had no idea you could look so cool. ”

“Asshole.” Sousuke rolled his eyes, shaking the water from his hair all over Rin’s smirking face. “What the hell are you doing here?”

“I run on the beach at least twice a week.” Rin leaned back on his elbows and smiled. Sousuke watched little rivulets of sweat bead down his throat. “Last time we talked, you said this was your favorite surf-spot so I figured why not run here and try to catch you in action?”

“Stalker,” Sousuke teased, warmed by the idea of Rin wanting to see him, of Rin listening to him and knowing his favorite things.  

Rin snorted. “You wish.”

“Everyday,” Sousuke said, winking at Rin as he unzipped the top of his wetsuit.

“Too bad for you that I’m way too busy to be anyone’s stalker, let alone yours, Surfer-boy.”

Sousuke was, in fact, relieved to hear that Rin was too busy to be chasing anything but Olympic gold.

“Actually, that’s sort of why I’m here.” Rin poked his toe into Sousuke’s calf. “I feel bad that we haven’t been able to spend much time together.”

Pleased that Rin had been thinking of him, Sousuke smiled and stripped the suit off his arms, folding it at his waist. “I don’t mind. I know that training for the international stage doesn’t come easy.”

“I guess you do, don’t you?” Rin said softly, fingers tracing patterns in the sand.

Sousuke wished he knew how to stop Rin from grieving Sousuke’s loss. He wanted to reach out and stroke the loose strands of hair from Rin’s upset brow. With a sigh, he crouched down to meet Rin’s troubled gaze.

“I do,” Sousuke said firmly, burying regret or bitterness beneath the waves of his love. “And I don’t want to hear any more crap about feeling guilty because you’re working hard to achieve your dream. That’s more important to me than anything.”

Rin stared at him for a long, quiet moment until he exhaled a clipped, “Alright, alright.”

Frowning, Sousuke flicked Rin’s forehead and said, “Even if it means I’m never going to have enough time to make you suck less at surfing.”

As intended, Rin’s pensive mood was quickly washed away, replaced by endearingly loud yelling. 

“If I suck, it’s because I have a terrible coach!”

“Please. I’m a great coach.” Sousuke shrugged, delighted by the irritated twist of Rin’s mouth.  

“Says who?”

“How soon he forgets his precious teammates,” Sousuke mused, shaking his head in mock disappointment. Rin kicked at him, which Sousuke gleefully dodged. “I can’t believe you don’t remember how I turned lowly duckling Nitori into a swimming swan!”

Before he could react, Rin grabbed his ankle, pulled him down with a thud, and attempted to rub his face in the sand.

“Hey, hey!” Sousuke laughed and jabbed his elbow into Rin’s side, using his superior height to fend off Rin’s attack. “I’m not the one who forgot about all the little people back home!”

Rin called him names, protested his dubious innocence and tried to wrestle Sousuke into submission. Sousuke tried not to think about the way Rin’s body felt when it moved against his, tried not to imagine this tussle ending in anything but Rin crying uncle. It was enough, he told himself, to have this much--a moment of reckless, immature friendship on a beautiful morning.

He told himself it was enough that Rin had sought him out, enough that he had caught ten perfect waves and found Rin waiting for him at whitewater’s end.

“I didn’t forget,” Rin muttered, once he was flat on his back and trapped beneath one of Sousuke’s arms.

“Of course you didn’t,” Sousuke said, smiling as Rin laughed, cursed and squirmed ineffectively against Sousuke's strength until he finally realized he was beaten.

“Jerk.” Rin exhaled noisily, grumpy and adorable in his abject defeat. “I didn’t.”

Sousuke looked down, watched Rin’s expression turn considering. The shape of his eyes and the slant of his mouth was a like a punch to the gut. Sousuke had forgotten how dangerous it was to be this near.

Sousuke realized that no matter how many lies he told himself, inches away was never going to be close enough.

“I know,” Sousuke said, counting the faint freckles that dusted across Rin’s nose.

“After all,” Rin said, sing-song voice gone all cutesy and horrible. “How could I forget how I learned the truth about what a big softie you really are---that beneath that stoic, cool-guy exterior you’re all sweetness and light.”

“Ugh, stop,” Sousuke said, groaning as he released Rin and rolled onto his back. He stared up at the bright blue sky and tried to calm his racing pulse. It was easier with the sun in his eyes and Rin’s teasing voice in his ears, easier to play along with the familiar game and say, “If I’d known my cover was going to get blown, I never would have caved to Nitori’s sad-face.”

“No one can resist Ai’s sad-face.” Rin turned his head to gift Sousuke with a smile. “But, hey, don’t worry. Nobody knows you here in Australia, so you can go back to being the silent, brooding type.”

Sousuke took Rin’s smile and returned it with one of his own, “Nobody but you.”

“I’ll keep your secret,” Rin said. “For a price.”

“Oh?” Sousuke asked, relishing their private little conspiracy, wishing it could always be like this, just the two of them plotting against the world.

“I’ll keep your sweetness a secret if you promise never to tell anyone how bad I suck at surfing.”

Startled and shaken loose, Sousuke laughed and laughed, letting Rin’s amusement wash over him in waves and set him free. He clung to the sight of Rin’s eyes crinkling with happiness, rode the crest of Rin’s wide-open smile.

When he could breathe again, Sousuke curled his hand into a fist and pushed it into the inches that separately their bodies on the sand.

“Idiot,” Sousuke said, his mouth full of love, “You said so yourself. I’m a stranger here. Who am I going to tell?”

Rin bumped their fists together and grinned, “Then I guess you’ve got yourself a deal.”  


	4. Chapter 4

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Rin swims, Sousuke cheers, and Haruka unknowingly gets in the way.

Sousuke sat down on the bleachers, the chill of the metal against his ass reminding him far too much of his high school days. He shifted uncomfortably, unable to shake the feeling that he was sitting in the wrong place, that he was supposed to be on the bench waiting for his heat instead of sitting in the stands waiting for the action to begin. The pool below was pristine, cut into still, precise lanes that were nothing at all like the turbulence of the waters that embraced him now.  He took a breath and let the scent of chlorine burn once again in his nostrils, knowing he’d never be able to forget, no matter how many sea-salt waves he let wash over him.

Now, Sousuke had surfing, but he’d had swimming and Rin first, and he’d long learned that some first loves were impossible to let go.

Being relegated to the sidelines was like an itch he couldn’t scratch, but when Rin had asked him to come watch, Sousuke had said nothing but “yes,” despite the knowing worry in Rin’s eyes.  After all, even though Rin had never asked it of him, Sousuke had always thought a little suffering was a worthy price to pay to see Rin happy.

And later, when Sousuke was on his feet and shouting Rin’s name as Rin’s fingertips touched the wall to light up the winner’s board with #1 MATSUOKA R, Sousuke knew he’d pay a far heavier price to always have Rin turn to him in the stands and share the happiness of his exultant smile.

~~

“Well, what did you think of that?” Rin asked, once he’d found Sousuke outside of the natatorium.

Sousuke shrugged, feigning nonchalance he liked to be on the receiving end of Rin’s hot-tempered annoyance almost as much as his sunshine-bright joy.

“Nothing I haven’t seen before.”

“You’re so full of it,” Rin said, swiping the bottle of water from Sousuke’s hand and helping himself. “I heard you cheering for me.”

Sousuke watched Rin’s throat work as he swallowed sips of Sousuke’s water. He coughed and knocked their shoulders together, shrugged again to feel Rin’s arm move up and down with his own.

“Then you should already know what I think.”

Rin made a disparaging little sound, but Sousuke knew that Rin didn’t need to hear his praises sung. Ever since that afternoon when Rin had crossed enemy lines to swim with his beloved boys from Iwatobi, Rin had worn easy confidence like a second skin. Somewhere in those infamous 50 meters, Rin had reclaimed himself.

Sousuke had been glad, of course, to come to Samezuka and find the Rin he once knew before the awful years of Australian silence, but the he hated knowing that Nanase had been Rin’s light in the dark.

Rin leaned into him, the brush of their hips startling Sousuke from bitter memories. Rin handed him back his water and smiled.

“Thanks for coming.”

Affection welled up within Sousuke’s chest, spilling over too sweet, “Anytime.”

Rin’s smile was faint, almost shy as he scuffed his shoe on the ground. “It’s nice, you know, to see a familiar face in the stands.”

Before he could think better of it, Sousuke said, “I’ll always be there if you need me.”

In the wake of his confession, Sousuke watched the slow spread of color on Rin’s cheeks, wondered if his own face was guilty of committing the same crime. Rin looked at him, cherry-blossom pink expression surprised and somehow nervous, but he said nothing, only shifted restlessly. Sousuke’s wondered if Rin could hear the anxious beating of his heart grow louder and louder as the quiet between them lingered on, slowly turning sticky and awkward.

After an eternity, Rin cleared his throat, murmured something that sounded like, “Thanks,” but Sousuke couldn’t be entirely certain when Rin was turning away from him, inching out of their comfortable slouch to fumble through his bag. Sousuke missed the warmth and the weight of Rin almost instantly, loathing the phone that Rin had pulled from his pocket for giving him an easy out.

Sousuke flattened his hand against his thigh, clenched and unclenched his fingers as he took deep breaths and tried to not to regret telling Rin those small, simple truths. After the years of separation, the losses and the gains, Sousuke found that his feelings could no longer be placid and measured like the lanes of a swimming pool. Sousuke was an ocean and Rin was the wind, and there had never been any choice for waves but to break.

But Rin was still looking away, gaze fixed on some horizon that Sousuke couldn’t see, always one step ahead of the tides.

Sousuke took a breath, calmed the swells within as he tapped his finger to the screen of Rin’s phone.

“What’s so interesting?”

“Just double checking something.” The corners of Rin’s mouth turned up in a small, sharp smile. “Ha! I knew it.”

“Knew what?” Sousuke tilted his head against the wall, closed his eyes to block out the afternoon sun.

“Today I beat Haru’s latest 100m time by .3 seconds.”

Sousuke laughed, shaking his head and wondering how the tenderness in him  could turn bitter so quickly, wondering how even here, thousands of miles away, Nanase could still manage to command Rin’s attention.

“Still chasing Nanase,” Sousuke said harshly, loathing Rin’s happiness almost as much as he loathed himself for the old, familiar jealousy that churned in his gut.

“You know, I’ve wondered this for a long time,” Rin said, voice clipped with annoyance, “But what the hell is your problem with Haru?”

“My problem?” Sousuke pushed away from the wall, crowding into Rin’s space. “My problem is that you’re so damned fixated on him and I've never been able to understand why. Why he's so special to you."

Rin’s eyes narrowed dangerously. “He's important to me because he's my competition. And my friend.”

“You’re sure that’s all he is to you?” Sousuke asked, uncertain even as the words left his mouth that he was entirely ready to get the answer to the question that had plagued him across time and distance.

“What the hell else would he be?” Rin spat, face flushed red with anger and confusion. He splayed his hand on Sousuke’s chest and pushed. “And what does it matter---”

“You changed schools for him!” Sousuke interrupted, unable to stop the cascade as he grabbed Rin’s wrist and pulled him in close. “You whisked him away for a weekend in Australia! You risked your career just to swim with him! Who does that for someone who’s just a friend?”

“You!” Rin shouted, twisting his arm free and tossing accusations into Sousuke’s stunned face. “You did all of those things for me, so tell me, what the hell is your problem?!”

Sousuke stepped back, the fight draining out of him as he exhaled and pushed his hands into his pockets to keep them from cupping Rin’s lovely, upset face.

“You’re right,” Sousuke said gently. “But maybe that should tell you something.”

“I don’t understand,” Rin said. “We’re friends, aren’t we?”

Sousuke’s smile was pained, gentleness turning to dust. “Of course we’re friends.”

“Then why?” Rin asked again, clearly still struggling to puzzle out Sousuke’s feelings. “Why are you always this way about Haru?”

Sousuke rubbed his shoulder and sighed, giving up the corner piece he knew Rin needed to see the complete picture.

“Maybe I’m jealous.”

“Jealous? Of what?”  Rin’s lips curved down unhappily, but Sousuke could see in his eyes that he still didn’t understand.

Suddenly tired, suddenly wishing to be anywhere but in a place that smelled of chlorine and felt so much like Rin, Sousuke turned away from Rin’s frustrated confusion and told as much of the truth as he thought Rin was ready to hear.

“I don’t know. Maybe everything. Maybe nothing at all. You tell me.”

“What is that supposed to  mean? How am I supposed to know?” Rin’s voice called after him.

“Just think about it,” Sousuke said, angry with himself for never seeing his confession fully through, still too scared of Rin’s rejection to risk it all.

As he walked away, Sousuke remembered the countless times he’d slipped out of their dorm-room when Rin had pressed him about his shoulder, and he thought how stupid it was that the more things changed, the more they stayed the same.  

Rin called out to him, “ Where the hell are you going?”

Sousuke didn’t look back, only shouted over the wind. “Surfing.” 


	5. Chapter 5

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> A brief interlude of introspection as Sousuke decides it's time to turn the tides.

Sousuke was troubled, but the ocean was flat, denying him the waves he needed to make his parting shot to Rin a reality. He stared at the calm, blue-gray waters and figured it was what he deserved, a sea of nothingness as punishment for letting jealousy wipe-out all of his better intentions. The ocean mocked him for his anger, for the pettiness that wouldn’t let him stand under the cast of Nanase’s shadow, even at the cost of Rin’s happiness.

In a dark, bitter sort of way, it amused him to think that the ocean would never have betrayed Nanase like this, never left him disappointed and denied. Frustrated both by the lull and his own inadequacy, Sousuke paddled out, willing to take what comfort he could find in the solitude of the open ocean despite the absence of the one thing he needed.

With his board beneath him, solid and secure beneath his chest, Sousuke let himself float aimlessly as he watched the tiny figures that dotted the distant shore and thought of Rin. It seemed only fair, since he had demanded that Rin do the same, that Rin try to put together the puzzle of Sousuke’s motivations when Sousuke had only given him a handful of pieces.

What, exactly, did Sousuke expect Rin to do with Sousuke’s aggressively passive _‘Maybe I’m jealous’_ and _‘Maybe that should tell you something’_? 

He trailed his fingers beneath the water,  cooled his stubborn, terrified irritation until his skin turned wrinkled and soft. The sun beat down on his back, as insistent and inescapable as the awful curve of Rin's disappointed frown.  Sousuke yearned for the exhilaration of a perfect break to distract him from his guilty conscience. Once again, he’d been the one to walk away, to leave Rin upset and confused, when Sousuke knew Rin deserved better than Sousuke’s bitterness, deserved more than jealous questions and bitter accusations.

Sousuke sighed and thought it was as foolish to be angry with Rin for not knowing the secret wants of Sousuke’s heart as it was to blame the sea for being still when he would have it rage with white-crested waves.  He could no more command the ocean to churn than he could demand Rin to love him. 

Sousuke tumbled off his board, left his thumbs clinging to the edge as he pushed his head beneath the water, held his breath and thought of all the things he done but never said, just expecting Rin to understand. His lungs burned as Sousuke remembered Rin’s fury and sorrow when he’d pressed and pressed for the truth about his shoulder. He remembered how it felt when he’d finally been forced to come clean; the lifting of a burden as Rin wet his shirt with tears. He wondered if Rin would shout or cry or laugh if he knew the secrets Sousuke kept from him now.  

He wondered if he would feel as free when he had no more secrets to tell.

Sousuke came up for air, gasping and filling his throat with the taste of salt and the smell of the sea. Seagulls circled noisily above and Sousuke confessed to the ocean that it was no one’s fault but his own that Rin didn’t know how Sousuke loved him.  

The surf-board welcomed his weight as Sousuke turned his gaze back to the shore and curled his tongue around all the words he needed to say.

He paddled towards home, towards Rin, and thought he would begin with ' _I’m sorry.'_


	6. Chapter 6

The floor was uncomfortable and he had been on the receiving end of one too many curious looks, but Sousuke refused to be dislodged from his post. He’d raced over on the train, with a mouthful of apologies and a backpack full of offerings meant to tempt his way once more into Rin’s good graces, but no matter how hard he knocked, no one answered. Despite his need to make things right, he was doomed to waiting at Rin’s front door like a lost dog with his tail between his legs. It was frustrating, sitting there with his ass going numb on the tile floor and his stomach churning with all of his good intentions, not knowing why Rin wasn’t answering any of his texts.  

He’d written, ‘Need to talk to you’, and ‘ _I’m coming over_ ,’ and even ‘ _Sorry_ ,’ but every little electronic attempt at reconciliation had gone unanswered.

The worry that this time he’d pushed one too many of Rin’s buttons was too much to consider. It was easier to close his eyes and tune out the world, ignoring the strange glances and the interested murmurs in favor of imagining clear blue skies and endless perfect waves.

~~

Sousuke woke to a sore back, a sharp kick to his outstretched shin and a blurry vision of Rin’s face.  Rin was red-faced and streaked with sweat, hair pulled into the messy ponytail he’d always favored when he went for a run. Sousuke wanted to put his mouth all over the confused downturn of Rin’s lips.

Rin dangled his keys in front of Sousuke’s nose and muttered: “So, who’s the stalker now?”

Sousuke blinked and struggled to sit up, pretending that he hadn’t just been sleeping in Rin’s doorstep. He hoped that Rin’s teasing was a good sign, hoped that the hand Rin held out to pull him up from the unforgiving floor was an olive branch he wasn’t sure he deserved.

“I texted you,” Sousuke said, once they were eye to eye. “Told you I was going to come over.”

Rin turned away from him, busied himself with unlocking the door. “I never take my phone with me when I run.”

“Right.” Sousuke picked up his backpack, shrugged off the anxiety of so many unseen messages. It was too late to worry what Rin would think when he clicked through missive after missive pleading for his attention.

Rin leaned on the door jam, arms crossed over a shirt that clung a little too tightly  for Sousuke’s comfort.

“So, what are you doing here?”

Sousuke looked into Rin’s darkened apartment and then at Rin’s closed-off, wary expression. The fluorescent hallway lights made his skin look pale beneath the redness of recent exertion, made him seem fragile in a way Sousuke knew he no longer was.

“I came to apologize.”

Rin’s eyebrows shot up. “What? Seriously?”

“There’s no need to be so surprised.” Sousuke rolled his eyes. He unzipped his bag and shoved his peace offering into Rin’s chest. “Here, I even brought you something.”

“Wow, a whole six pack of soda.” Rin whistled and pushed the door to his place wide open. “You really must be sorry.”

“Yeah.” Sousuke smiled faintly, heartened by Rin’s gentle mockery. “I won’t even make you rock-paper-scissors for it.”

“Wouldn’t have mattered, you always lose when we play that game.” Rin said as he disappeared into the darkness of his apartment.

Sousuke stood in the too bright hallway, watched Rin toe off his shoes with the six-pack of soda tucked beneath his arm and wondered if Rin ever suspected that sometimes he’d lost on purpose just because he liked the way Rin smiled when he won.

Rin turned on a light, casting his face in shadow as he held one hand out to Sousuke and said, “Hey, are you coming inside or what?”

"Yes." Sousuke stepped over the threshold and closed the door. “Thanks.”

“Don’t be stupid,” Rin said, wandering into the living room. “You’re always welcome.” He sank into the couch with a heavy groan. “Even if you do piss me off.”

Sousuke stood in the entryway for a long, quiet moment, holding Rin’s promise of welcome tightly within his heart. He thought about all the times they’d run from one another, whether from a fight or towards a dream, but how they’d somehow always managed to come back together. It gave him hope that even if Rin couldn’t return the feelings Sousuke wanted to give, they could always have this much, this bond that remained unbroken no matter the time or the distance or the stupidity of their fights.

“I’m sorry,” Sousuke said, coming to stand behind the couch, splaying his hands to the side of Rin’s neck. Rin tilted his head back and the ends of his hair brushed against Sousuke’s thumbs. “I’m sorry.”

“You’ve got to stop just walking out when the conversation gets hard. It drives me crazy when you won't just come out with whatever's bothering you, dropping all these accusations or demands that I should _just think about_   _it_." Red tendrils danced as Rin shook his head. "I'm not a mind reader, Sousuke. If there's something you want, you should trust me enough to hear whatever it is you’ve got to say, instead of bailing and leaving me to wonder what the hell your problem is.”

“I know.” Sousuke nodded, rubbed his fingers along a single curl , captivated by the strange, terrifying intimacy of the moment. “I do. I trust you.”

Rin frowned, the corner of his mouth folding over his teeth as if he was reluctant to speak. “Then trust me enough to tell what’s up with you and Haru. Tell me why you make that face every time I say his name.”

Sousuke dropped his hands to his sides, dug his fingernails into his palms and tried to remember all his desperate underwater promises. He wondered what sort of face he was wearing as he honored that vow to tell Rin the first of his many secrets.

“I told myself that it was because he was a distraction. Because I thought he was the reason you made choices that I couldn’t understand. Choices that could have ruined you before you even began.” Sousuke shook his head to still the defense that was on the tip of Rin’s tongue. He smiled as gently as he could around the awful thickness in his throat. “But the truth is Nanase means something to you...something special that seems untouchable. And I’m jealous.”

“Because you think you don’t? Mean something to me?”

Rin’s question filled the space between them. Sousuke kept his eyes on the slowly spreading blush on Rin’s cheeks, counted ten racing heartbeats and said:

“Not in the same way.”

Rin licked his lips. “You’re right.”

Sousuke faltered, fractured around an almost silent, “Ah,” as his feet moved backwards, ready to run from the one thing he never wanted to hear.

“Jeez, hold on a second!” Rin’s fingers caught the hem of his shirt. “You didn’t let me finish.”

Sousuke stilled and looked down at the whiteness of the knuckles that were pressed against his stomach. He bit down on the wave of disappointment that threatened to drown him as he watched the fingers that curled in the cotton of his shirt reel him in until his thighs were flush with the back of the couch and there was nothing to do but meet Rin’s waiting gaze.

“Idiot,” Rin said and it almost sounded like affection. “Of course I feel differently about you and Haru.” Rin pushed up on his knees, twisted around to face Sousuke without letting go of his shirt. Sousuke dangled like a hooked fish, gasping for breath and waiting to be tossed back into the sea. “Haru….there’s no one like him in the water. For me, when we swim together, he’s like this endless horizon I want to reach. Chasing all that possibility, it makes me better. In the pool, Haru and I, we make each other better.”

“I know,” Sousuke murmured, even though it stung, because he’d always known that much to be true. It was a bitter pill to swallow, knowing that he'd never have the chance to be that rival that drove the swift kick of Rin's feet or the desperate pull of his arms, but there was something in the warmth of Rin's smile that made him want to try.  

“And you…There’s no one like you in my life.” Rin’s fingers uncurled, flattened against Sousuke’s stomach into five barely there points of pressure. Sousuke held his breath because Rin’s smile was so sweet Sousuke felt like he was drowning. “Sousuke, you’re my best friend. You challenge me and support me and know me better than anyone. You make me better, too, just by being with me. If Haru’s my horizon, you’re my shore. I always want to come back to you.”

"Oh." Sousuke's lungs filled with air, a sudden gasp of breath and hope. Rin's words crested and broke over his heart, spilling into all the tiny fissures and cracks he'd tried to hide for so long. Rin's fingers pressed into the trembling of his stomach. Sousuke straightened his shoulders, tried to endure the way he couldn't think beyond the warmth of Rin's hand and the whitewater rush of unexpected feeling.  "Oh." 

"Yeah,  _oh_ ," Rin said, still so unbearably gentle. "There's no need to be jealous of Haru." Rin slid his palm up to rest over Sousuke's heart, causing horrible tears to prickle behind Sousuke's eyes as he said, "I wouldn't embarrass myself surfing for just anyone, you know." 

"You are really terrible at surfing." Sousuke covered Rin's hand with his own, laughed over the ridiculous sob that wanted to catch in his throat. "Really, really terrible." 

Rin pinched him then, pushed him away with a wicked grin that was everything Sousuke had ever loved. "Well, then, asshole, maybe that should tell you something." 

Like waves breaking on rocks, Sousuke's mind thundered with promise and possibility. He wondered if he was catching a glimpse of their future within the curve of Rin's teasing smile. 

"Yeah," Sousuke said, mouth full of hope, "Maybe it should."

 

 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Sorry about the cliffhanger...I'm still on the fence about how the next part should go :)


	7. Chapter 7

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Rin asks one more question. Sousuke makes one (or two) more important confessions.

Sousuke couldn’t sleep. For one, Rin’s bedroom floor was supremely uncomfortable, no matter how many spare blankets were between him and the apartment’s well-worn carpet. For another, his mind was still trying to recover from being blown by Rin’s coy sweetness and his unwavering assurances. Sousuke was too busy picking up the pieces of all his dashed misconceptions and selfish, unnecessary fears to do more than stare at Rin’s ceilings and dare to hope that maybe, just maybe, he wasn’t the only one who dreamed of more.

Sousuke smiled into the darkness, turned over restlessly and remembered Rin’s smile when he’d said ‘ _maybe that should tell you something_.’ He still didn’t know exactly what that something was, but he had a thousand ideas of what he wanted it to be. Sousuke pushed the pillow beneath his stiff neck and thought of the easy way Rin had said ‘ _stay_ ’ when Sousuke had looked at the clock and lamented taking the late train home. He thought of the way their fingers had brushed when Rin handed him a blanket and muttered, ‘ _Stay and maybe we can go check out the waves in the morning._ ’

“Jesus, will you quit squirming?”

Sousuke rolled on to his back and laced his fingers beneath his head, late night daydreams breaking against the sound of Rin’s rough, late night displeasure.

“It’s not exactly comfortable down here, you know.”

“I found you sleeping in the hallway earlier,” Rin said, his unimpressed face smooshed into the side of his pillow. “So don’t give me that BS.”

“Sorry,” Sousuke offered, though he wasn’t really sorry at all, considering it was almost entirely Rin’s fault that he was wide awake and wondering what it could really mean to be the shore to Rin’s ever-shifting sea.

“You are not,” Rin said, fingers dragging idly on the floor beside Sousuke’s head. “I know what your apologetic voice sounds like and that is not it.”

Unable to defend himself against the truth, Sousuke said nothing, only watched Rin trace patterns into the threadbare carpet as little red numbers steadily crept closer to 3:30am. In the quiet that settled between them, Rin’s expression was soft, shadowed by the street light that snuck through the cracks in the blinds. Sousuke ignored his protesting shoulder and turned once more onto his side, sheets and blankets seeming to rustle more loudly than ever as looked up at Rin.

“See, there you go again,” Rin said, lazily pointing an accusatory finger in Sousuke’s general direction. “Squirming.”

Sousuke pursed his lips and blew at the offending digit. Rin laughed, raspy and low, and Sousuke knew he’d always remember the tenor of Rin’s late-night laughter, always remember the way it made his skin prickle with anticipation and warmth.

Rin licked his lips, gaze skittering away. “But since you seem so determined not to let me sleep...there’s something else I’ve been wanting to ask you.”

Sousuke propped his head on his hand and tried to look more nonchalant than he felt. “Is it about Nanase?”

Even in the dark, Sousuke could see Rin’s eyeroll.

“No. Asshole.”  

Sousuke smiled. “Then ask away.”

“Surfing. Not swimming….being here in Australia…is it really okay with you?” Rin asked, his fingertips moving anxiously over the rug as his mouth moved slowly around questions Sousuke suspected had long been on the tip of his tongue.

“Didn’t we talk about this?” Sousuke trapped nervous fingers beneath his palm. “I told you it was fine.”

“It’s just…” Rin trailed off, closing his eyes and sighing. Sousuke rubbed his thumb over Rin’s knuckles and tried to swallow around the lump in his throat. Rin’s voice was muffled, barely there as he finally said, “I don’t want you to be somewhere or do something just because of me. I don’t want to be the reason you make another choice you regret.”

“Hey, listen to me.” Sousuke shook his head, rubbed Rin’s hand over and over, wondering how long it would take befor Rin would forgive himself for Sousuke’s shoulder. HE wondered how long it would haunt them both. “Nothing that happened before was your fault. I was young and reckless and I made my choices. And I don’t regret it.”

Rin’s eyes were wide and disbelieving. “How can you not regret it?”

“Am I sorry that I don’t get to swim with you any more? Do I sometimes wish I’d listened to those who told me I was pushing myself too hard and too much? ” Sousuke hung his head and thought of how beautiful Rin was in the water, how he’d always watched Rin’s ripples with a strange combination of desire and envy. “Of course I do.”

Rin tried to pull his hand away. Sousuke held on, his heart beating too fast for not yet morning, and he wondered how after years of giving away nothing, suddenly he wanted to say everything. He couldn’t stand the thought of Rin blaming himself for old mistakes Sousuke had made or wondering if Sousuke had chosen to be miserable and bitter in a foreign land because Rin had said I’ll be waiting once upon a time when they were teenagers. He couldn’t stand keeping the secret of how happy Rin made him for another minute longer.

“But I don’t regret that I got to swim with you one last time.” Sousuke looked up and smiled. “Sure, I swam for you and for the team, but I made that choice for me, because it was something I wanted, something I needed. It made me happy, Rin.”

Rin’s answering, “Oh,” was thick and wet, promising tears.

Sousuke took a deep breath, filled his lungs like he was on the starting block, anxiously waiting to hear the crack of the gun so he could dive beneath the water and feel his muscles burn.

“And I chose to surf for me,” Sousuke said, pushing up onto his knees so he could look Rin at properly. Rin lips parted around another _oh_ , but Sousuke couldn’t stop the wave of words that crested and broke over so many secrets he should have told Rin a long time ago. “And I chose to come to Australia for me. Because it was what I wanted and what I needed. And I’m happy I did.”

Rin blinked quickly, eyelashes fluttering open and shut, open and shut. “You are?”

“Idiot,” Sousuke said, more gently than he’d ever said anything in his life, affection drowning out the shouts of his old, familiar fears. “Of course I am. Like I told you once before, I spend my days on the beach in the sunshine. The competitions here are good and the surfing’s even better. The tourists have enough money to spend on lessons that I don’t have to worry about getting a real job.”

“Luckily for you,” Rin breathed out, laughing just a little, even as two tears slipped down his cheeks.

“No,” Sousuke said, reaching out to catch a tear with his fingertip. Rin’s eyes closed as Sousuke opened his mouth and gave away his heart. “Luckily for me, most importantly, selfishly….surfing in Australia means I get to be near the person that I love.”

Two, three, four more tears touched Sousuke’s finger. He caught each one and wished that they were made of happiness and not horror until Rin finally, finally sighed and looked at him once more, gaze bright and shining even in the shadows.

“If that’s the case…” Rin said, a smile breaking over his face, “Then you should stop holding back.”

A tide of joy and disbelief washed over Sousuke, as the impossible became possible, the untouchable suddenly within reach. And though he was caught in the reckless, relentless undertow of wonder and love, his hand was steady he cupped Rin’s cheek and his eyes were slow to close as he leaned in close and kissed Rin for the very first time.

Rin’s lips were soft but his sigh was softer and Sousuke wondered if he could live forever with only the breath Rin slipped into his mouth. The kiss was almost cruelly sweet, nearly chaste but for the way Rin’s fingers tangled in Sousuke’s hair, pulling him closer and closer as if Sousuke would have dreamed of being anywhere but there, happily drowning in a sea of Rin. Sousuke kissed him again and again, kissed Rin’s smile until it turned warm and red and stung.

“I have a dream. Not a new one, not really, but a precious dream.” Sousuke said in a rush, splaying his hands on the side of Rin’s bed and clinging for balance, still not entirely convinced that this was real, that he wasn’t imagining the taste of Rin on his tongue. Rin gazed up at him from his pillow, flushed and perfect. Sousuke bent over to kiss the corner of his mouth and made his final confession. “I’ll surf and you’ll swim. We’ll both win in the water and we’ll take the world by storm because I want your dream to come true and I want my dream to come true.”

Rin’s eyes were wet again when Sousuke took a breath and kissed him sweetly, deeply.

“I want us to dream together, Rin.”

In the dark,  thousands of miles from home, Sousuke watched as Rin took his hands and laced their fingers together, bringing each one to his lips. In a place he’d never expected to be, living a life he’d never predicted, Sousuke listened as Rin made the greatest of Sousuke wild, once seemingly impossible, once secret dreams come true:

“Hang ten, Sousuke, I’m all in.”

In the quiet of almost morning, Sousuke kissed Rin and thought of a new dawn rising on the ocean’s shore, love breaking over him like a tsunami as he held on for the ride of his life.

 

 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> And that's that...except for a potential not so safe for work epilogue ;) Thanks for reading and I really, really, hope you enjoyed! xo!


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